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Dec. 11th, 2008

ok, i stole this from talcott last year and it's a wee preemptive, but i love this kind of shit and i don't think he'll mind (right, t-yo?)

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
      drove in nyc, briefly (very briefly) flew a plane, and wrote/defended a thesis

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
       absolutely not. i resolved to keep my things clean and failed miserably about a month in. this year? i resolve to get a real job.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
      not to a child.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
            usually i have at least 3 funerals to attend a year, but thankfully (and surprisingly), this year i didn't attend a single one.

5. What countries did you visit?
          i think times square counts as visiting another country, if not awp itself.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
          a real job.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
           july 21 (day i left oxford for good), august 10 (the day mike left for iraq)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
         finishing grad school, but mostly my thesis itself. actually, by far my thesis over grad school as a whole.

9. What was your biggest failure?
        not handling stress well.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
         nothing serious.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
        a mattress pad.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
           no one, really.

14. Where did most of your money go?
food, rent, bills, and travel.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
           leaving oxford, my thesis, my first reading in cleveland, the black keys and radiohead concerts, summer, and reggae.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2008?
        -  anything by neil young (keep on laughing, megan!), but in particular: "harvest moon" and "the needle and the damage done" with honorable mention to "everybody knows (this is nowhere)," "down by the river," "let's impeach the president," and "only love can break your heart"
        - mia's album kala but in particular: "paper planes," "bird flu," and "boyz"
        - joni mitchell: "urge for going," "woodstock," and "that song about the midway," 
       - radiohead's in rainbows but in particular: "15step," "nude," and "weird fishes/arpeggi"
        - the black key's attack and release but in particular: "things ain't like they used to be," "lies," "oceans and streams" honorable mention to: "act nice and gentle"
      - andy williams: "moon river"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier - much.
b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? guh.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
       been nicer and written more.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

20. How did you spend Christmas?
haven't yet, but will be with my mom, brother, grandma, aunts, uncle, and cousins in independence (cleveland)

21. How will you be spending New Years?

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
         maybe - it's hard to tell.

23. How many one-night stands?
          not this year, kids.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
           the office, as always. i've also become acustomed to the daily show, now that i live with cable. ooh, i also discovered house, which is badass, AND arrested development and it's always sunny in philadelphia, neither of which need awesomeness explanation.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
              of course not. not so fond of that brandon fella, OR that mike fella, to be quite honest, lol, but no hate, y'all.

26. What was the best book you read?
           hmm. tolstoy's "a confession," and miranda july's "no on belongs here more than you."

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
            m.i.a., grizzly bear, and m80 

28. What did you want and get?
           a dude.

29. What did you want and not get?
         a job.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
        i just saw "slumdog millionaire" and thought it was brilliant. also "dark knight" (duh) and this french film, "tell no one," which was surpringly tender and well-done. i send out a big "fuck you" to indiana jones.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
        my allergies brought on a sinus infection, so i laid on the couch and watched tv all day at mike's (cuz he had cable) and ordered in chinese food that made me sick, lol. 24.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
        having a job and having a place of my own.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
        i wore a lot of tank tops and skirts with flip flops this year. i've been sweet on sweaters lately. and the color purple, which is odd because i've never liked purple before. 

34. What kept you sane?
         my ipod and bowl.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
          barack obama

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
        the election mostly (duh), but also the events in south ossetia and recently in mumbai.

37. Who did you miss?
        my oxford folk.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
            joseph makkos up here in cleveland, cuz he's possibly going to publish my thesis, and imran akbar, the guy i've been seeing the past couple months.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
             neil young's "only love can break your heart." tru dat, neil, tru dat.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
            "i get the urge for going, but i never seem to go" uge for going joni mitchell

Oct. 14th, 2008

i mixed two types of coffee grounds and am now drinking the result in a mug with a green and white bull that says "taurus" in bold at the top. i think my mother or grandmother bought it for me sometime in high school. when i rotate the cup it also tells me that i'm a builder or producer with a fixed, earthy sign that indicates that i'm stubborn, steadfast, and systematic.

these are not kind words to drink down when you're trying to write. especially when the mug also says that i'm persevering, which means that i'm destined to be frustrated with my thesis for a long time to come.

it's not that i'm freaking out about my defense (although it's certainly on my mind), it's just that i know that i'll never get it right. i'll never be articulate enough to get what i see and hear in my head out of my head and down on paper (or film, tape, etc.). do any other of you feel this way? 

it's been a looooong time since i've posted in here, but it's mostly just cuz i have relatively little to report on. after a long spring/summer of searching for employment, i've settled for a job working at the apple store on the east side of cleveland. it's full-time and i have mad benefits (including a discount), but it's still retail. it could be worse, of course, but it'll do to tide me over until i find a real job. on the upside though, as long as i have my apple t-shirt and closed-toe shoes, i can wear whatever i want. apparently some guy once wore a speedo. i find this absolutely fantastic, and have been rocking some impressively bright neon tights with crazy ruffled skirts and boots lately. it gets me through having to deal with irritable customers when i have 2.5 degrees in my back pocket. (i'd like to point out here that i'm not trying to sound academically elitist here; i just mean that at 24 i didn't think i'd be working retail. BUT, i'm genuinely thankful to have a job, especially one with benefits.)


other than that not much has happened or changed for me, other than my hair growing slightly longer. i took out my nose ring. it wasn't intentionally to get rid of it, but i couldn't find the stud when i went to put it back in, so now my only remaining piercing is my tragus.

mike's in balad, which is about 30 miles-ish outside of baghdad. he's doing well, although the sand is starting to get on his nerves. he has an internet connection in his room, so we get to talk online quite a bit, although it's been a while since we've had the opportunity to talk on the phone. he called me when he landed in iraq and a couple of times after that, and i'm hoping we'll be able to again soon.

i read for the first time ever in cleveland. it was at the language foundry (google it for a good time), which is a badass setup of this fella, joseph makkos, a guy i got in contact with via bill howe. it was amazing. in fact, i might venture to say that it was hands-down the best reading i've ever participated in. the crowd was fantastic, and i'm seriously looking forward to reading again sometime in november. my stuff is also being featured in a cleveland poetry mag, so that's also neat.

i miss baseball, although last night's upset against the giants was a HUGE morale booster. i could feel the entire city light up. (i'm talking about monday night football's match up browns vs. ny giants, last year's superbowl winners.) to have the entire country watching while we pounced the giants 35-14 felt GOOD. i hope they can make some magic happen this season - it would be electric.

i saw the black keys play in akron sat. night. it was - as it always is - amazing. APPARENTLY they come into the store a lot, so i'm HOPING that they'll come in sometime when i'm working so i can seduce dan and go on their european tour with them. omg, please pray/cross your fingers for me. that would be sooooooo awesome.

OH and my mom's getting cable on thursday. i am sooooo psyched about this. you have no idea. omg, like, like, like.


yeah yeah, i'm a terrible instructor, whatever, i just now (to delay packing)read my students' finals (reflection). this is a direct quote from one girl:

"i think you are a wonderful person although i worry about you sometimes."


my 8 year anniversary

8 years ago today i lost my virginity. 39 years ago today man landed on the moon. what are the odds?


hello friends,

it's been mentioned to me that i should update this here blog and keep my peeps informed. so here's the skiffle:

i haven't found a job, although i'm waiting to hear back from Ohio University re: a job with the communications and marketing dept. as an editorial assistant. a week ago tomorrow i sent in 5 writing samples and i'm hoping that maybe tomorrow i'll hear back from them with some sort of good news, like they want an interview, or - heaven forbid - maybe want to hire me? i would LOVE this job. i LOVE athens and i'd love to do editing work.

i'm not defending until the fall, so i'm graduating in dec. not aug. i am perfectly fine with this.

i am going to see radiohead aug. 4 and i am psyched.

also, a last-minute decision was made due to a glitch in my mother's schedule, and so instead of moving out july 31 (when my lease ends) i'll be moving out this thursday, july 24. weds. night (the 23rd) i'd like to go out for a drink, so if you're interested in joining me let me know!

mike and i broke up. i am perfectly fine with this.

i'm moving back to cleveland to live with my mother, at least for a few weeks. in the likely event that i can't handle living with her, i have an open and warm invitation to bunker down in the spare bedroom in my brother's new condo (with his gf) as long as needed. a couple weeks ago i attended a job fair in columbus and submitted my resume to a woman at the columbus dispatch who said that mid-august she'd have an opening for an editorial assistant, and that she'd give my resume to her boss. although i haven't heard back from her about that, i'm hoping that i might.

that's about it for me. i'm packing and keeping my fingers crossed about a job.

it hasn't sunk in yet that i'm leaving oxford forever. that i'm NOT coming back. i wonder what it'll feel like when it does.
i found this blog ( http://www.butcherachicken.blogspot.com/ ) via slate. i shit you not, it is a step-by-step tutorial on how to kill and butcher a chicken, complete with pictures of every variety you could imagine. the worst? there's a shot of the guy's son holding two freshly killed chickens by the neck and smiling so wide it looks like it's hurting his face. yikes. i'm fairly squeamish but also morbidly curious. it's a bad combination to have to live with.

beware: there are some pretty gross pictures along some casual descriptions and instructions. i'm not even completely sure why i'm sharing this link. i guess it's because i have a hard time believing it's real.

ironically, i nabbed this link from an article on chicken farms that was posted next to a couple of articles on vegetarianism. either someone at slate is pushing an agenda, or they have a twisted sense of humor.


i had the most fucked-up dream of my life this morning. it was the apocalyptic baby of 'seven' and 'sweeny todd.' there were three of us (me + another girl and a guy) who were investigating a group of people who were running around town and gruesomely murdering people, then feeding the bodies to a woman who looked not unlike the mother in 'what's eating gilbert grape.' it was disgusting, because in my dream we found a videotape of the woman eating the ground up bodies and complaining that she couldn't finish everything on her plate. the evil-doers were holding her captive and making her eat ground-up dead bodies as punishment for her sins, but, aside from the fact that she was upset that they were forcing her to eat when she was full, she didn't seem to mind. for some reason, our inability to officially arrest these people (even though we knew who they were) caused the morality of the world to buckle, and most of the world's population died - except the three of us, of course, who suddenly fast-forwarded from our 20's to our mid-80's (i was 83), although we all thought we were much, much older than that. the rest of my dream was spent wondering if i was immortal, or if i was going to die soon. the three of us kept guessing how we were going to die. at one point, i climbed a tree that was sawed off at the top and hung out there, but it fell over, and on my way down i was scared but relived that i was about to die. except i DIDN'T die. i just got up and brushed myself off. but the creepy thing was that the evil-doers from earlier in my dream were there, waiting for me to die so they could feed my corpse to the people-eating lady. my other two cohorts didn't at all seem concerned about THEIR deaths because it turns out that THEY were immortal and knew i wasn't, and were going to feed me to the creepy people, despite the fact that we'd just spent the last 60 years alone together, surviving the sparsely populated world. and THEN we were wandering around looking for shelter and found an abandoned house (near the tree i was in). when we went inside, there were pictures of me with two children that i'd had - turns out they had fast-forwarded time in such a way that i still lived my life, but was unaware of it? i don't know, it doesn't make any sense, but i was really disappointed that i'd had children, but never knew them. (btw: megan and talcott - no joke, they were two boys named henry and gabriel.)

so yeah. i have noooooo idea what the shit that dream meant, but it was super creepy.


i know you guys don't care, but i HAVE to share this with someone:

on tuesday the cleveland indians made baseball history (again) with a triple steal. this hasn't happened since 1987. brilliant! BRILLIANT!!!

some ups and some downs


1. every fucking time i feel like i know where i'm going with my thesis, i wind up taking double the steps back. poetry used to be fun for being elusive - now it's just a pain in the ass.

2. no one wants to hire me. i've been sending out my resume and applying for jobs since the fall, and about 4-6 times a week since march. i've gotten two responses, both shutting me down. am i doing something wrong? am i totally un-hireable? at this point, i seriously feel like i might wind up waiting tables the rest of my life. i have to be out of my apt. july 31 and i refuse to move back home, which gives me t-minus ~2 months to become employed and find a new place to live. sigh.

3. my face is full of snot. i hate being allergic to nature.


1. grad school is (for the most part) over for me. that is nice.

2. mike is taking me flying sometime soon. i find this horribly kewl. like a child would. (ps: he makes me super happy.)

3. my brother got a job!

4. i found my cell phone charger. and then i dyed my hair red.
1. i'm sorry talcott, hannah, and megan - i was supposed to call all three of you back yesterday, but i was up in dayton in the morning/afternoon and my phone died. when i got back to my apt. i couldn't find the charger (still can't, which means i need to CLEAN today) so i couldn't call anyone back. i'm sorry! however, megan: i tried to e-mail it, but it wouldn't go. i'm going to try again today, and hannah: thank you!!! i'm still stuffy and runny, but i feel a LOT better. talcott: i'm sorry about last night! i couldn't charge my phone, and i took some benadryl which made me drowsy and i fell asleep and woke up at like, 1 am.

hello world, i love cleveland.

my brother and his girlfriend are coming down this weekend for the indians-reds game - mike'n'i(ke)* are going with. i cannot tell you how EXCITED i am for this game. it's no secret that i love the indians and that i have less than warm feelings for cincy: watching m'boys humiliate the reds will feel good.

in fact, i can't think of a better way to end my tenure in southwest ohio than by watching all that is good in cleveland destroy all that is evil in cincinnati.

i'm starting to get super nostalgic. it is way too early for that (considering i'm not defending until august), but it's starting regardless. so i'm starting a "walk down memory lane" bit, which i'll update as my nostalgia grows. here's the first few:

1. guys, awp was a fuckin' BLAST. seriously, i've never had so much fun on a trip with anyone ever. i'm so glad i went - i didn't want to initially, but i'm so grateful that i did.

*someone please tell me you got that joke.